School and New York City.
I spend a lot of time thinking about school, but that’s nothing new.
The thing is, I like thinking about school. Or at least, it sure beats thinking about life. School is easy, not because all of the stuff we learn in school is easy, but because I know how to do school. I’ve been doing school for the last twelve years. I’m not really sure I know how to do life.
School is easy because we go there and learn things and take tests about them and then get a grade. We solve math problems and get them right or wrong. We write essays defending an argument and as long as we provide evidence, we’re okay. School is where we go every day and walk down the halls and go to class and take notes. (I feel like I’ve already written about this here and here.)
In seven weeks, we’re going to be seniors. Woah. And okay, that means school is almost over, but not really because college is school too. But I have no idea what I’m going to do after that.
Yeah, okay, grad school, more school, things like that. I love school. But I mean, after school is over. Because I love school so much that sometimes I think I just want to go to school forever and ever, which would be very expensive, and I’ve said this before, but I can’t think of much better ways to spend your day than learning stuff, but some day it has to end and then what?
I’m guessing I don’t get to think about school anymore.
School is a really good way to not think about anything else. Because even as someone who spaces out a lot, I never run out of school things to think about. There are always new tests to stress about or new checklists to make in your head and new ways to think about how much I love English. It’s to the point where thinking about all of the things I have to do for school is normal, and therefore calming. Sometimes, like worrying about things.
I get a little taste of what it’s like to not have school to think about during the summer, but even then there’s summer homework and college applications and next school year to think about. But when school is over, like, for real, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I like to think about the future, or something like that, but when I think about the future, that always means college to me. But it’s so interesting when I try to think about after college, because it’s so far away that you can pretty much make anything up and it might still be possible. Like, college is close enough that I have some idea of what I’m going to do in the next couple years, but after that, anything is kind of fair game. Which is awesome.
I don’t know if everyone does this, but sometimes I make up these phrases or symbols that mean things to me and don’t make sense to anyone else. But there’s something I came up with in one of my sophomore year blogs (read it here) and have alluded to several times, and that’s this idea of my coffee shop life. I know it sounds really dumb. But when I think about what I want to be doing when I’m like 25, it’s this:
I want to live in New York City. Okay, I’ve only been there once but it was pretty much the best week of my life because there are just so many things there and so many streets and it’s super pretty during Christmas and we bought tiny cupcakes like even mini-er than the normal mini ones and we walked on the Brooklyn Bridge and it was super pretty. I know that I always say that I want to live on a farm and raise horses, and while I’m pretty sure that’s my alter ego’s dream, I love cities. Because I love people. And in the morning when it’s chilly outside before everyone has to go to work I’ll walk past all the cute little bakeries and shops and stuff to that one café that I always go to that has hella good coffee and chalkboards and pastries lined up behind the glass case. And then I’ll go to work and I’ll walk home from work at dusk because that’s my favorite time of day and on weekends I’ll walk around in Central Park until the sun just starts to come up. And I’ll have one of those jobs where you’re supposed to dress nice to work every day and I’ll walk around with one of those fancy messenger bags that fancy people have that I always want but am way too broke to afford.
And okay, maybe no one really lives like this because I pretty much made this up from a summation of the lives of characters from books and movies and stuff. But dude, life is so far away that I can pretend it’s possible.
My point really is that while I actually cannot wait to finish high school and go to college and just keep moving, maybe there’s a tiny part of me that wants to keep being able to only have to think about school and school and school and school and school and at the back of my mind believe that in the very, very distant future, there’s a coffee shop life waiting for me in New York City.
Maybe it’s dumb to look forward to my coffee shop life and maybe it’s dumb to look forward to some idealistic college experience and maybe it’s even dumb to look forward to senior year. But I like to look forward to things. Every day before school, I think about the things that I’m looking forward to that day. Because it’s fun. And it makes me love school a lot more. So if I have things in life to look forward to, maybe I’ll love it the same way.
Sometimes I’m a little scared that I’ll run out of things to look forward to, but then I remember that I look forward to dumb things like eating bagels. And even if my coffee shop life doesn’t exist, there will always be bagels in New York City.
Read my latest post on my other blog here.